Men, you are not alone
13% of men have been a victim of partner abuse. But only 21% of men ever tell anyone.
Many find it hard to share their story; they report feeling shame or worry they might not be believed.
ManKind are today (7 November 2024) calling on men experiencing abuse to come forward and seek support from those around them.
‘Carl’ is receiving support from our domestic abuse support service, NCHA Derbyshire Wish. He shares his story:
“It’s a taboo. That the man is always the one hitting the girl, but that’s just not true.
“After years of abuse from my partner, I was in a really, really bad place. I don’t speak to my friends, I don’t speak to my mum, I don’t speak to no one. I was ashamed. I thought that people wouldn’t believe me, or would ask ‘how can a girl do that to you?’”
Things got so bad that Carl made an attempt on his life. Friends convinced him to make a report to the police, but he found that once he started talking about what had been happening, not everyone believed him.
“Cause [people] thinking men can’t be abused, men can’t be beaten up. But I told [them] ‘Why you being naïve, because you no live with her. Me and my kids, we see everything. [People] tried to paint me like I’m the perpetrator!”
He believes that racism influenced the way some people treated him:
“If it was a white person, it would be possibly different. But because I’m a black man, they try and look at me like I’m the liar. How can it be the system that’s supposed to protect me? I’ve lived in this country for a long time, the racists are still here. It’s never gone away.”
Carl was referred to NCHA Derbyshire WISH, and there he found the support he needed.
“They spoke to me and they listened to me. They told me how they were going to help me. [Support worker] carried me in and made sure my mental health was ok. If it wasn’t for Derbyshire Wish, I don’t know what I was supposed to do; because I was feeling like everybody has left me.
“They’ve done everything for me. They’ve helped me find this place where I’m safe. I’m feeling more free, I can close the door. I don’t feel under control from anyone.
“I’m sad, you know, that the world has turned up like that, but what can I do? Men sometimes don’t like to say things because they’re ashamed, that a girl been abusing them, been beating them.
“Everybody got issues, everybody got problems in this world. Nobody’s perfect, but I’m just trying to teach my kids the meaning of life. I’ve got a really positive mind and I think that everything is gonna be alright.
“I wanna just to be free. Be somewhere, in a nice house with my kids. And if they’re happy, then that’s it.”
Find out more
Visit our domestic abuse support pages to find out more about the support we offer, and how to seek help.
Listen to 'Carl's' story in his own words through our You Tube channel.
